[ Rousma seems delighted when River plays along. Sitting up again she continues to giggle, offering alternating paws to River, like a girl trying to play a clapping game. ]
I forgives my Ravishan. He and me, me and mines.
[ Kahlil gives a small huff, relaxing with another smile as he watches them. ]
River - had you been to Horizon before? [ Before their 800 year dream. He vaguely recalls her oracle domain, but he's sure he hasn't seen one that belongs to her now that they're back. ]
[ she's content to play along with their clapping game, keeping her eyes on rousma even when kyle asks her a good question. maybe it's a little bit of a distraction as she tries to make sense of everything too. it feels like so long ago. ]
Yes, but... only with someone else to lead the way. I kept getting lost in the noise. It's still loud, but now...
[ river looks up to kyle, then over to the temple and the beautiful environment he has built within his domain. she seems somewhere between wistful, sad, and on some level, a little afraid. ]
[ He follows her gaze, brow furrowing. Rousma stops her pawing-clapping and flops on her side in the grass again, rolling on her back a few times and chomping lazily on clovers. The ground is warm from the sun above them. ]
This place changes us. [ As they suspected before, and well know now. He frowns a little at the structure he created, the temple that sprung from his mind the first time he entered Horizon, his mind supposedly blank. He feels at his strongest and most confident in his domain - most of the time. Home might be close. ]
I feel drawn here more often lately, since we got back. [ This time, his attention is drawn to something unseen, beyond the boundary of his domain. He knows he's looking in the direction of the Singularity, where it sits at the center of the space. Maybe she knows, and he asks: ]
[ she knows. river follows kyle's gaze and knows it's there, that stone monolith that felt like the center of the universe when she forgot that this isn't the only one. ]
Yes.
[ this place changes us. maybe that explains why she feels so different now. river continues to stare in the singularity's direction with a look of consternation on her face as she tries to make sense of it all. ]
I spent most of the dream here. I didn't - don't fit anywhere else. In my 'verse, or in Thorne, or Abraxas. The Horizon was comfortable, or comforting.
[ even if she still knew something was missing. finally, she turns back to kyle, frowning almost guiltily. ]
It's not home. But... it feels close. I - I think I miss it.
[ He takes in her admission, her guilty expression and frowns thoughtfully, now glancing at the running stream as the sunlight plays against the water's surface. ]
We have control here, of everything - [ then, in concession: ] most of the time, anyway.
[ Excepting the times when the Singularity was unstable, or when the gods have meddled. That control is safety, and safety is a comfort. He imagines it might be doubly so for someone like River. ]
I think it wants us to feel comfort, the Singularity. I don't know why, but when I've visited it lately - I feel like it's reaching out more than it used to - I can almost feel it, like... a friend putting a hand on my shoulder.
[ He gives her an odd look. Is it bad? He's not entirely sure. But he thinks he understands, at least a little, how she feels. ]
she thought she was in control of her future when she signed up for the academy - but then they rewired her brain to respond to their commands like an animal. she tried to study magic in abraxas as a way to gain control over powers that shouldn't hurt the way they designed it to, but then that magic consumed her and she lost control of everything. she forgot who she was, an all-powerful being with nowhere to exist, drowning in madness and confusion for eternity.
compared to that, being able to enter the horizon and create a pocket of something that is hers doesn't seem so bad.
maybe that's it. once again, she seems wistful and sad and maybe a little afraid, her gaze wandering away as her voice starts to sound a little dreamy. ]
I don't hear it anymore. Not the same way, at least, from then. It was like - like the sun, the center of everything and the creator of all. No matter where I was, I could feel it inside of me. A gravitational pull toward one point like it's the Big Bang - it's the Singularity.
[ oh. huh.
she blinks suddenly like that only just clicked for her, and then the building frantic energy seems sapped out of her as she turns back to kyle. ]
But I can't hear it anymore. I don't know if I should miss it. Is the hand on your shoulder really a friend? Or is it an anchor?
[ He watches her seem to drift within her mind as she speaks, and resists the urge to put a hand on hers to draw her back. Something seems to snap into place on its own for her, though. Rousma, where she lies on her back, flips over to push her cold, wet nose against River's leg.
The center of everything, the creator of all. Part of him and everything. That has been Parfir to him, for as long as he can remember. And now the Singularity is that, too. That is why he became confused, at the end of that long life. When John-Parfir-the Rifter-the Singularity where not just made of the same divine fabric, but all one in the same. He kept hold of many memories, yet he still lost the most important pieces. He replaced what hurt with someone else's stolen life, and let it become twisted up in the life he had made here. It scares him.
He frowns again at her question. ]
I think I want it to be. [ A friend. He shakes his head. ] Maybe it's both. I don't know if I am meant to stay here. But I want to.
[ In Abraxas. Maybe it is an anchor, at least what he's seeking from the Singularity. Some strength to this bond that will promise that he can stay. ]
I think it's okay to miss it. To want to find it again.
[ the cold touch at her leg helps ground her a little more; river smiles faintly at rousma and gently pats her stomach as she listens to kyle speak.
what does it mean for them to stay here? what happens to their world after eight hundred years without them? does it forget them the way they had forgotten it themselves? what is she looking for? what is she hoping to find? it's too much to think through and she's silent for a moment, still cautiously petting the dog that is not really a dog. ]
I miss my brother. Simon. [ not cassian. ] He's a doctor. He helps me. Helped - he tries to help. He took me away from the place where they were hurting me and he's trying to fix what they broke. But I - I don't think it can be fixed and it isn't safe for us. For anyone.
[ it isn't safe for anyone to be around her - except for here, where the alliance hasn't found her yet and there are more people trying to help her figure out how to cope with her broken pieces.
she's just a kid, she had told kyle once, when they met first and river learned about the living bones. she looks to him now, young and tired and sad and so very lost. ]
I miss him. But I don't know if I want to go back.
[ Not for the first time he looks at this dark haired, dark eyed young woman and wonders about his sister, what kind of woman she might have grown up to be had she been allowed to live untouched by flaying knives and ritual. Again, its the yellow dog that makes physical contact with her where he feels unable to, her snout nuzzling against River's leg and tail wagging slowly, uncertain but trying to offer comfort. ]
I miss my sister too.
[ He glances at the dog, a heaviness to his expression. Their stories are alike. Kahlil thinks he might like to meet her brother, if he were to be brought here. ]
Ravishan couldn't save her. She died with the rest of the bones. But I did. I stole her away and brought her to another world. She was not as she was anymore, but she was happy. She was free. But - I couldn't stay with her there. I had to go back to our world. And as much as it hurt, I wouldn't have forced her to come with me, back to where there were people who might hurt her again.
[ In this moment the dog seems simply a dog, not responding to this story. He remembers her begging him not to go, but the ties that bound him to the Rifter, his duty to protect Basawar from the destroyer was stronger, in the end. Kahlil looks at her sadly, then back to River. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I forgives my Ravishan. He and me, me and mines.
[ Kahlil gives a small huff, relaxing with another smile as he watches them. ]
River - had you been to Horizon before? [ Before their 800 year dream. He vaguely recalls her oracle domain, but he's sure he hasn't seen one that belongs to her now that they're back. ]
no subject
Yes, but... only with someone else to lead the way. I kept getting lost in the noise. It's still loud, but now...
[ river looks up to kyle, then over to the temple and the beautiful environment he has built within his domain. she seems somewhere between wistful, sad, and on some level, a little afraid. ]
Now it's like knowing the way home.
no subject
This place changes us. [ As they suspected before, and well know now. He frowns a little at the structure he created, the temple that sprung from his mind the first time he entered Horizon, his mind supposedly blank. He feels at his strongest and most confident in his domain - most of the time. Home might be close. ]
I feel drawn here more often lately, since we got back. [ This time, his attention is drawn to something unseen, beyond the boundary of his domain. He knows he's looking in the direction of the Singularity, where it sits at the center of the space. Maybe she knows, and he asks: ]
Is that what you feel, too?
no subject
Yes.
[ this place changes us. maybe that explains why she feels so different now. river continues to stare in the singularity's direction with a look of consternation on her face as she tries to make sense of it all. ]
I spent most of the dream here. I didn't - don't fit anywhere else. In my 'verse, or in Thorne, or Abraxas. The Horizon was comfortable, or comforting.
[ even if she still knew something was missing. finally, she turns back to kyle, frowning almost guiltily. ]
It's not home. But... it feels close. I - I think I miss it.
[ is that bad? ]
no subject
We have control here, of everything - [ then, in concession: ] most of the time, anyway.
[ Excepting the times when the Singularity was unstable, or when the gods have meddled. That control is safety, and safety is a comfort. He imagines it might be doubly so for someone like River. ]
I think it wants us to feel comfort, the Singularity. I don't know why, but when I've visited it lately - I feel like it's reaching out more than it used to - I can almost feel it, like... a friend putting a hand on my shoulder.
[ He gives her an odd look. Is it bad? He's not entirely sure. But he thinks he understands, at least a little, how she feels. ]
no subject
she thought she was in control of her future when she signed up for the academy - but then they rewired her brain to respond to their commands like an animal. she tried to study magic in abraxas as a way to gain control over powers that shouldn't hurt the way they designed it to, but then that magic consumed her and she lost control of everything. she forgot who she was, an all-powerful being with nowhere to exist, drowning in madness and confusion for eternity.
compared to that, being able to enter the horizon and create a pocket of something that is hers doesn't seem so bad.
maybe that's it. once again, she seems wistful and sad and maybe a little afraid, her gaze wandering away as her voice starts to sound a little dreamy. ]
I don't hear it anymore. Not the same way, at least, from then. It was like - like the sun, the center of everything and the creator of all. No matter where I was, I could feel it inside of me. A gravitational pull toward one point like it's the Big Bang - it's the Singularity.
[ oh. huh.
she blinks suddenly like that only just clicked for her, and then the building frantic energy seems sapped out of her as she turns back to kyle. ]
But I can't hear it anymore. I don't know if I should miss it. Is the hand on your shoulder really a friend? Or is it an anchor?
no subject
The center of everything, the creator of all. Part of him and everything. That has been Parfir to him, for as long as he can remember. And now the Singularity is that, too. That is why he became confused, at the end of that long life. When John-Parfir-the Rifter-the Singularity where not just made of the same divine fabric, but all one in the same. He kept hold of many memories, yet he still lost the most important pieces. He replaced what hurt with someone else's stolen life, and let it become twisted up in the life he had made here. It scares him.
He frowns again at her question. ]
I think I want it to be. [ A friend. He shakes his head. ] Maybe it's both. I don't know if I am meant to stay here. But I want to.
[ In Abraxas. Maybe it is an anchor, at least what he's seeking from the Singularity. Some strength to this bond that will promise that he can stay. ]
I think it's okay to miss it. To want to find it again.
no subject
what does it mean for them to stay here? what happens to their world after eight hundred years without them? does it forget them the way they had forgotten it themselves? what is she looking for? what is she hoping to find? it's too much to think through and she's silent for a moment, still cautiously petting the dog that is not really a dog. ]
I miss my brother. Simon. [ not cassian. ] He's a doctor. He helps me. Helped - he tries to help. He took me away from the place where they were hurting me and he's trying to fix what they broke. But I - I don't think it can be fixed and it isn't safe for us. For anyone.
[ it isn't safe for anyone to be around her - except for here, where the alliance hasn't found her yet and there are more people trying to help her figure out how to cope with her broken pieces.
she's just a kid, she had told kyle once, when they met first and river learned about the living bones. she looks to him now, young and tired and sad and so very lost. ]
I miss him. But I don't know if I want to go back.
[ is that bad? ]
no subject
I miss my sister too.
[ He glances at the dog, a heaviness to his expression. Their stories are alike. Kahlil thinks he might like to meet her brother, if he were to be brought here. ]
Ravishan couldn't save her. She died with the rest of the bones. But I did. I stole her away and brought her to another world. She was not as she was anymore, but she was happy. She was free. But - I couldn't stay with her there. I had to go back to our world. And as much as it hurt, I wouldn't have forced her to come with me, back to where there were people who might hurt her again.
[ In this moment the dog seems simply a dog, not responding to this story. He remembers her begging him not to go, but the ties that bound him to the Rifter, his duty to protect Basawar from the destroyer was stronger, in the end. Kahlil looks at her sadly, then back to River. ]
It's okay, not to want to go back.
[ Her brother wouldn't blame her. ]