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[ his words strike a nerve, and perhaps he can feel it through their connection as a storm of emotions swirl within her. she struggled to accept the reality of the world around her long before arriving in abraxas. there is no other way.
there's a long window of silence from her before she finally settles on all that she can offer. ]
I'll do my best.
there's a long window of silence from her before she finally settles on all that she can offer. ]
I'll do my best.
2500? My god, I can't even fathom what the world would look like fifty years from now. That being said, about the Thames, in my time, it's rather crowded with ships and a tad.
Murky, let's say.
I'm from 1868. The Rooks are real, they're the gang I lead back in London. And it does include some gambling, but chiefly we've been throwing another, bigger, worse gang out of power.
Murky, let's say.
I'm from 1868. The Rooks are real, they're the gang I lead back in London. And it does include some gambling, but chiefly we've been throwing another, bigger, worse gang out of power.
[ A wave of helpless guilt returns back to her. ]
I'm sorry, River. I wish I had a better way to help right now.
I'm sorry, River. I wish I had a better way to help right now.
[ control. it's such an odd concept for river.
she thought she was in control of her future when she signed up for the academy - but then they rewired her brain to respond to their commands like an animal. she tried to study magic in abraxas as a way to gain control over powers that shouldn't hurt the way they designed it to, but then that magic consumed her and she lost control of everything. she forgot who she was, an all-powerful being with nowhere to exist, drowning in madness and confusion for eternity.
compared to that, being able to enter the horizon and create a pocket of something that is hers doesn't seem so bad.
maybe that's it. once again, she seems wistful and sad and maybe a little afraid, her gaze wandering away as her voice starts to sound a little dreamy. ]
I don't hear it anymore. Not the same way, at least, from then. It was like - like the sun, the center of everything and the creator of all. No matter where I was, I could feel it inside of me. A gravitational pull toward one point like it's the Big Bang - it's the Singularity.
[ oh. huh.
she blinks suddenly like that only just clicked for her, and then the building frantic energy seems sapped out of her as she turns back to kyle. ]
But I can't hear it anymore. I don't know if I should miss it. Is the hand on your shoulder really a friend? Or is it an anchor?
she thought she was in control of her future when she signed up for the academy - but then they rewired her brain to respond to their commands like an animal. she tried to study magic in abraxas as a way to gain control over powers that shouldn't hurt the way they designed it to, but then that magic consumed her and she lost control of everything. she forgot who she was, an all-powerful being with nowhere to exist, drowning in madness and confusion for eternity.
compared to that, being able to enter the horizon and create a pocket of something that is hers doesn't seem so bad.
maybe that's it. once again, she seems wistful and sad and maybe a little afraid, her gaze wandering away as her voice starts to sound a little dreamy. ]
I don't hear it anymore. Not the same way, at least, from then. It was like - like the sun, the center of everything and the creator of all. No matter where I was, I could feel it inside of me. A gravitational pull toward one point like it's the Big Bang - it's the Singularity.
[ oh. huh.
she blinks suddenly like that only just clicked for her, and then the building frantic energy seems sapped out of her as she turns back to kyle. ]
But I can't hear it anymore. I don't know if I should miss it. Is the hand on your shoulder really a friend? Or is it an anchor?
You do. You always help.
[ whatever else can be said for the dream, istredd has always been there for her. she doesn't know what to call him anymore, doesn't know if there's a way to describe the nature of their relationship, but this will always hold true. the words will never seem good enough but she says them anyway. ]
Thank you, Istredd.
[ whatever else can be said for the dream, istredd has always been there for her. she doesn't know what to call him anymore, doesn't know if there's a way to describe the nature of their relationship, but this will always hold true. the words will never seem good enough but she says them anyway. ]
Thank you, Istredd.
[ river hasn't been sleeping well since - well, since they woke up from the dream. it's been hard for her to come back to this timeline, her thoughts and memories lingering in a life she never lived. they call this "reality" but they have no proof, no way to say for sure that this world made of magic is not just another fiction that they're trapped within.
it's been hard. through it all, what she misses most is the stars. not just her domain, what was a place of comfort and solace in the madness, but her 'verse altogether, where serenity is a ship and not a god and her brother ( simon, not cassian, and oh how much shame she carries for conflating the two ) is there with her.
she seeks comfort in the stars, and perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise that this is where she finds the doctor. they've met here before a thousand times - or perhaps this is the first time, really, a dream outside of the dream. the ground ripples like water beneath her feet as she walks toward him, but there is only empty space and the universe expanding in all directions around them. ]
Doctor.
[ or is it starman? she never did take to calling him that, after all. ]
it's been hard. through it all, what she misses most is the stars. not just her domain, what was a place of comfort and solace in the madness, but her 'verse altogether, where serenity is a ship and not a god and her brother ( simon, not cassian, and oh how much shame she carries for conflating the two ) is there with her.
she seeks comfort in the stars, and perhaps it shouldn't be a surprise that this is where she finds the doctor. they've met here before a thousand times - or perhaps this is the first time, really, a dream outside of the dream. the ground ripples like water beneath her feet as she walks toward him, but there is only empty space and the universe expanding in all directions around them. ]
Doctor.
[ or is it starman? she never did take to calling him that, after all. ]
[This is on the network not in their minds]
River. I don't want you to worry or hear about this from someone else.
Kyle and I are being brought to the dungeons for questioning.
We may be there a few days, but I'm sure we'll be fine.
River. I don't want you to worry or hear about this from someone else.
Kyle and I are being brought to the dungeons for questioning.
We may be there a few days, but I'm sure we'll be fine.
Right. I'll take that advice under consideration, if and when I do get back to London.
Easy. Our lot doesn't target innocent people, and we'll not accept them as collateral damage, either. The Blighters are all too willing to harm civilians just to show their power.
Easy. Our lot doesn't target innocent people, and we'll not accept them as collateral damage, either. The Blighters are all too willing to harm civilians just to show their power.
[ He watches her seem to drift within her mind as she speaks, and resists the urge to put a hand on hers to draw her back. Something seems to snap into place on its own for her, though. Rousma, where she lies on her back, flips over to push her cold, wet nose against River's leg.
The center of everything, the creator of all. Part of him and everything. That has been Parfir to him, for as long as he can remember. And now the Singularity is that, too. That is why he became confused, at the end of that long life. When John-Parfir-the Rifter-the Singularity where not just made of the same divine fabric, but all one in the same. He kept hold of many memories, yet he still lost the most important pieces. He replaced what hurt with someone else's stolen life, and let it become twisted up in the life he had made here. It scares him.
He frowns again at her question. ]
I think I want it to be. [ A friend. He shakes his head. ] Maybe it's both. I don't know if I am meant to stay here. But I want to.
[ In Abraxas. Maybe it is an anchor, at least what he's seeking from the Singularity. Some strength to this bond that will promise that he can stay. ]
I think it's okay to miss it. To want to find it again.
The center of everything, the creator of all. Part of him and everything. That has been Parfir to him, for as long as he can remember. And now the Singularity is that, too. That is why he became confused, at the end of that long life. When John-Parfir-the Rifter-the Singularity where not just made of the same divine fabric, but all one in the same. He kept hold of many memories, yet he still lost the most important pieces. He replaced what hurt with someone else's stolen life, and let it become twisted up in the life he had made here. It scares him.
He frowns again at her question. ]
I think I want it to be. [ A friend. He shakes his head. ] Maybe it's both. I don't know if I am meant to stay here. But I want to.
[ In Abraxas. Maybe it is an anchor, at least what he's seeking from the Singularity. Some strength to this bond that will promise that he can stay. ]
I think it's okay to miss it. To want to find it again.
[ if and when - that's the crux of it all, isn't it? but that way lies madness, so she lets it drop to continue dwelling on it later. ]
the blighters. a disease or a poison. in legal code, an area that's detrimental to safety, health, or morals. at least they picked an appropriate name.
the blighters. a disease or a poison. in legal code, an area that's detrimental to safety, health, or morals. at least they picked an appropriate name.
[ the cold touch at her leg helps ground her a little more; river smiles faintly at rousma and gently pats her stomach as she listens to kyle speak.
what does it mean for them to stay here? what happens to their world after eight hundred years without them? does it forget them the way they had forgotten it themselves? what is she looking for? what is she hoping to find? it's too much to think through and she's silent for a moment, still cautiously petting the dog that is not really a dog. ]
I miss my brother. Simon. [ not cassian. ] He's a doctor. He helps me. Helped - he tries to help. He took me away from the place where they were hurting me and he's trying to fix what they broke. But I - I don't think it can be fixed and it isn't safe for us. For anyone.
[ it isn't safe for anyone to be around her - except for here, where the alliance hasn't found her yet and there are more people trying to help her figure out how to cope with her broken pieces.
she's just a kid, she had told kyle once, when they met first and river learned about the living bones. she looks to him now, young and tired and sad and so very lost. ]
I miss him. But I don't know if I want to go back.
[ is that bad? ]
what does it mean for them to stay here? what happens to their world after eight hundred years without them? does it forget them the way they had forgotten it themselves? what is she looking for? what is she hoping to find? it's too much to think through and she's silent for a moment, still cautiously petting the dog that is not really a dog. ]
I miss my brother. Simon. [ not cassian. ] He's a doctor. He helps me. Helped - he tries to help. He took me away from the place where they were hurting me and he's trying to fix what they broke. But I - I don't think it can be fixed and it isn't safe for us. For anyone.
[ it isn't safe for anyone to be around her - except for here, where the alliance hasn't found her yet and there are more people trying to help her figure out how to cope with her broken pieces.
she's just a kid, she had told kyle once, when they met first and river learned about the living bones. she looks to him now, young and tired and sad and so very lost. ]
I miss him. But I don't know if I want to go back.
[ is that bad? ]
We're fine. We're settled into a room together.
We'll be detained for an unknown amount of time.
But I have faith once we answer some questions they'll let us go.
This is why Yennefer had to leave, because we knew this was likely.
We'll be detained for an unknown amount of time.
But I have faith once we answer some questions they'll let us go.
This is why Yennefer had to leave, because we knew this was likely.
I don't know what they're going to ask.
For now we're being detained in the dungeons.
No one is going to get us out. It'll only cause more trouble.
We're fine for now, there's no reason to worry.
For now we're being detained in the dungeons.
No one is going to get us out. It'll only cause more trouble.
We're fine for now, there's no reason to worry.
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